Is this love?

Is this love? You know how people, when they fall in love, they say things like : “I’d die for you”. And they assume that’s the ultimate sacrifice. That’s true love. Personally, I think it’s weak and submissive. And while it’s natural, it is an example of lack of worldly wisdom, and connoting credulousness and unchecked innocence to say the least.

My late husband and I would discuss things like that a lot. That was our main dish for pillow talk. We came to the conclusion that we are dedicated to each other, and devoted to live for love through trials and pain, to fight for our love, and get through whatever curveball life throws at us. Have faith in us. Endure illness and suffering, survive the most difficult situations, and keep going for each other. “Whatever it takes”.

We often said things like: “I’m not going anywhere”, “I am only alive to be with you”, “I was born the day I met you”, “I feel truly alive when I’m with you”. As someone who has been dealing with depression and darkness most of my life, I can assure you life is the ultimate struggle. Dying is easy, life is hard. It’s a decision we make, we choose life every day. We commit our all, our souls to it and we do our best for as long as we can. “This we will do, if God permits”.

He says he loves me, but we just met!

When I first met my late husband I knew I loved him. My soul felt warm beside him. It felt safe. I felt like this is where I belong. Felt like we were meant to be. As if I’d known him forever. Of course, I couldn’t explain it then. Nor could he. But we both knew, we just knew, we had to give us a chance. We were honest about how we felt, what we wanted, and how we saw our future together. There was no fear, only faith that brought us only closer to each other.

Complete surrender, openness, compassion, and willingness to experience each other in every way possible. The whole time we both felt like we have a great deal in common. Even though we were very different in many ways.

The differences made it easy for us to enjoy deep conversations. Truly enjoy each other’s company. And the more we learnt about each other, the more we wanted to learn. Our common ground made it easy to understand what we went through, our pain, emotions, thoughts and experiences.

Why do you love me?

I love you not because of something that you do. Not because of something that you are. I love you simply because I love you. And I take responsibility for my feelings, but not for yours. And hold myself accountable for my actions, but not for yours. I make the decision to be in love with you, because the feeling is reciprocated, respect is mutual, and trust has been earned.

And now I choose to be in love with you because of who you are, and because of what you do for us, and what you’re willing to do for me, or give up doing to keep me happy. And know I am willing to offer the same. I choose to be with you. And I choose to build with you.

But did they really even love you, if they decide to leave you?

I can love you and still choose to leave you. I can make the decision not to be with you. And I can choose not to be involved in a relationship with you. If you don’t share my values, do not reciprocate my feelings. And you do not respect my boundaries, I simply make that decision to walk away.

Not because I didn’t love you but because I actually did love you and because I love myself. Not because love didn’t exist or wasn’t there for you, but rather because if I had chosen to stay, It would’ve been a disaster. It would have been a toxic relationship and it would eventually have failed miserably and we both would end up hurt and resentful of each other. And I’d rather love you and wish you well from a far than see you hurt or find myself blaming you and hating you for our failed relationship.