Oh I’m sorry! I forgot I only exist when you need something!

“Oh I’m sorry! I forgot I only exist when you need something!”

I just read this and almost fell to tears. This hits home so hard. Cause this is how I felt for so long. When I’m not needed I’m totally neglected and brushed off. Therefore, to you, I only exist when you need something.

Sometimes loving someone can be so damaging when you forget to love yourself in the process. Your self worth plumets, when you accept the responsibility for someone else’s happiness. And when suddenly you remember you have needs too. You are attacked and called out as an egotistical selfish creature, for wanting to live your life and caring for your own basic needs.

Like how dare you?! You only exist to serve my needs, so how dare you acknowledge that you have needs too?!

why and how this happens!

Sometimes the shoemaker walks barefoot. And the cook goes to bed hungry. The tailor in old raggedy clothes. And the caregiver don’t even have anyone to list as their emergency number!

Most people fail to realize the amount of unnecessary suffering we inflict on ourselves and each other. The moment when love turns into resentment. Care into negligence and admiration into fear and anxiety.

We miss the red flags and accept responsibility for someone else’s emotions. And then make believe that it is our job to make sure they are comfortable and happy. That we owe them so much, all the sacrifices, our energy and our time. Mainly because we assume what we do is helping them. And we assume they feel the same way about us!

We want someone to have our back, so we think we are simply having their back. This is how I prove my love. with actions, sacrifices. And not just with words.

Other times, we choose to remain in such relationships because we know they need us. And we know their sadness and understand their issues. We feel their pain. And we genuinely believe we can help. That our actions will help them grow and overcome their emotional baggage. Alas, that’s only an illusion. Unless they put in the effort themselves, nothing we do will have a significant impact.

the repercussions

Our brain finally checks out after all the battles for sanity in the name of love and family ties in most cases. Forcing ourselves to endure the mental pressures, the horrible treatment and the disrespect, can cause detrimental impact on our mental, spiritual and physical health.

Insisting on remaining in survival mode, not only can cause you to feel irritable and aggressive, but you will gradually build up a fence of negative emotions. Starting with a feeling of confusion, loss of control, sadness and even depression. All those emotions can manifest physically in dealing with insomnia, fatigue or exhaustion. And even can manifest in memory problems. This is why you need to put a stop to it, as soon as you realize it is happening.

no one is immune to this

Even I a coach of over 20 years have been through this. There is nothing that can save you, when you are gone far too deep. Only you can pull yourself out of it, once you make that life changing decision. You will need to demolish and destroy your whole life to bring yourself out and be victorious.

This kind of situation, in my mind, resembles “The California Gold Rush“. And the act of all the brave men who went to California digging for gold in the 19th century. Those who never gave up, because they had a dream! Sometimes, we just have to wake up and realize the dream is not worth the cost.