Today would have been my father’s birthday. I would have been with him on the phone, wishing him a nice birthday, health peace and happiness. Since he’s gone, I still wish him peace and happiness. How to overcome the death of a loved one? How to go through grief? Is it a good idea to push through it quickly?
My experience with death has always been a borderline. I either ignore it completely, or cannot stop thinking about it. The death of the most prominent men in my life is a huge loss that I find really hard to cope with. Relationships are hard, life is hard, emotions can be complicated. Even in our darkest hours, we still find solace in those who hurt us. Even in the midst of our anger, we find forgiveness. Through our deepest despair, and our tribulations, we still find love.
When we go through so much pain, there is this fogginess, we are not always in an adequate condition. The human mind is clouded with grief, longing, anxiety, apathy and depression. Sometimes, I do not even hear what people are saying to me. I do not recognize simple mundane things. I often find myself, unable to focus, or going aimlessly in circles. One moment, I’m laughing at some silly jokes and the next I’m crying over something so trivial.
Often the death of loved ones provokes depression, apathy, confusion and unwillingness to live. I have seen it in others, and I cannot deny going through it all the same. Even now, writing this in the hopes to release some of my emotions. However, I do not believe that we should skip grief. Yes, it can be the hardest thing you’ll ever do. But going through it is what will help to get through it. The sooner we get into the acceptance phase, the easier it will become.
While this cluster of emotions and confusion, upon the death of a loved one, may come and go in a few weeks for some people, yours may hang around for much longer. People are different, and we experience things differently. The fog of grief is emotional, mental, and physical. The condition is not permanent. But it needs to take its time to unravel and release.
If you are going through this right now, try not to pressure yourself to feel better or move on. Despite what others may think, you should be doing. Be compassionate with yourself and take the space and time you need to grieve. If you can, surround yourself with people, who love you and care about you, or join a support group. Because I find that words of support and gratitude do help restore strength, and return to the track of ordinary life.